To follow or to unfollow.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the dynamics of social media these days. Primarily, because there is so much data out there about how social media is harming our young people. McKinsey has a great article on this - “Getting to the Bottom of the Teen Mental Health Crisis.” The stats are distressing. Teen’s mental health has been declining now for many years, even before the pandemic. Obviously, the pandemic has not had a positive impact on anyone’s mental health – quite the opposite. I’m clearly not a teen, but I can also sometimes feel the negative effects of social media. For me, it’s the classic - their life looks so awesome, what’s wrong with me? My life is so incredibly blessed it’s downright shameful for me to feel this way, but I do at times.

There’s another side to this. The cancel culture and the viciousness of trolls have made social media a minefield. With my training in PR, I know that making public declarations or taking a stand on something, can be tricky. But you don’t have to be hitting super high notes to come under fire. 

I was just watching a TikTok and a young lady was sharing what she felt were tacky versus timeless fashion items. Some of the comments were a bit tough. Basically, some people thought she should have used trendy as a descriptor instead of tacky, and since fashion is so subjective they often had differing views. I felt bad for her, because she was making a personal statement, and they are, after all, her opinions, but the public nature of social media means that you need to be wary of every little word. 

Social media is, by its very name, social. In some ways, it’s a microcosm of our greater life. And we know how messy life can be. What social media does is amplify the expression of who we are, but often in an artificial way. And since it’s virtual it has different rules. I know friends of mine who fall out of relationships, for a variety of reasons, often stop following people that they had once freely opted to follow. I’m actually not criticizing them, because their actions can reflect a need to preserve their sanity. But after hearing a friend mention that they stopped following a mutual friend because they didn’t want their head clouded with things that might upset them, it caused me to stop and ponder this phenomenon. In real life, I suppose unfollowing someone is akin to ghosting them. 

I’ve chosen not to unfollow some people in my world who have brought me a bit of grief.  There is an old statement - keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. I use this phrase lightly because they’re not enemies. But for me, I’d rather stay in a relationship, however tenuous, than drop someone. I understand distancing yourself from an abusive relationship. But, if it’s not, and you’ve just had a disagreement, I always consider that what might feel rocky today could get better tomorrow? Sure, sometimes it does feel like a huge relief just to turn and walk away. In life, and on social media. And if someone has hurt you, or things haven’t gone the way you’d like them to have gone, it’s relieving to just move on. Or, at least, give it a breather. But I really try to keep that door open.

Look, everyone has to do what’s right for them, and this is what’s right for me, but I just wanted to raise it as an option. I have definitely unfollowed people who have followed me. I’m not obliged to open my world if I don’t want to. And, I reserve the right to do that. But, generally speaking, I’m not going to unfollow people that I originally followed. I have unfollowed people where there is no relationship and we’re actually not connected. Of course that could be down to the algorithm, apparently it only shows you about 5% of your friends, which is absolutely crazy, but that’s for another blog post. I do block people who follow me that I think might be bots or scammers. There’s been a proliferation of men following me whose feed is filled with flowers and puppy dogs, and I do seriously wonder if they are real people or machines. There’s so much hacking going on out there. 

Anywho. The intention of this post is to encourage you to consider not unfollowing someone because they have hurt you, or bummed you out. It just might be worth staying open to their presence in your social world, given that things could change, and that openness might lead to restoration. But of course, it’s up to you, and what makes you feel safe. For some people, it feels unsafe. For me, keeping the door open provides a tiny ray of hope.