Does Having a Soft Heart Make You Weak?
When I was a little girl, I had a lot of good reasons to guard my heart. I’m not going to get into all of them here, but let’s just say that there were some tough moments. And when you’re very young and aware and sensitive, you make a plan don’t you? My strategy was to harden my heart so that nothing would hurt me. Obviously, this is a bad plan. But a 3-year-old kid doesn’t know any better do they? It’s just what they do.
Many years later, I came back to my faith and my growing walk with God started to reveal just how broken my process was. You can’t feel God’s love if you can’t feel love. And recognizing just how little of that love was getting in because of my unhealthy scaffolding was getting burdensome.
Still, just knowing something doesn’t always mean you have the ability to change it, does it? You have to do something.
So, I had to make some intentional decisions about unlocking this hard heart. I wanted to share some of my process here, especially if you’re in the process of starting something new, or looking to embark on a creative endeavor. I know that going for a softer heart has really been helping free me up to do and experience more.
Get Rid Of The Crutches
First thing - get rid of the crutches. Now this can take time, in some cases a very long time. In my life, I have been dismantling those crutches, one at a time, for years. I’ve finally hit the hardest one to shake. So far so good. But hard, no lie. I’ve always known that this process to soften my heart was never going to work unless I was willing to let go of some of these things, and some are harder than others to let go. But, if you’re serious about making this change, do an inventory and ask yourself what crutches are you using to bolster yourself up in hard times. And be willing to start to dismantle them, one at a time. Trying to do it all at once might set you up for failure.
Feel The Pain
Another key piece of the puzzle is allowing yourself to feel the pain. I am pain adverse. I’m willing to take risks, but I don’t love pain. I’m pretty sure nobody does. But some of us dislike it more than others. For me the pain came as I started to see people more through the eyes of how God sees them. When you’ve hardened your heart you’re doing your best to avoid feeling things. You stop seeing people as human. Essentially, you dehumanize others in order to go about your business, putting real people in convenient categories, not seeing them for who they really are. But once your heart starts to soften you suddenly start seeing people differently, and it can hurt. For me, it’s walking a mile in their shoes, experiencing their journey, feeling their dreams, desires and disappointments. It’s all about being vulnerable and open. Replacing distrust with kindness, patience and love. Painful, but fruitful.
Give Yourself A Break
And last, but not least, you gotta give yourself a break. If you’ve been erecting that scaffolding for years it’s going to take some time to dismantle it and replace it with something new. You are surely going to have any number of false starts. If you don’t give yourself a break for some of the inevitable failures you’re going to give up - it’s human nature. It’s so easy to fall back on the old crutches. But if you allow yourself to mess up, give yourself the room to breathe, you’ll make it through.
Here’s to finding more empathy in your softer heart, and more inspiration to do the things you love!