How to Make Rejection Work for You
Rejection is never easy, but it’s part of life. Wherever you find yourself rejection will rear its unpleasant head. It’s particularly painful for creatives because so much of what we do feels so personal. I also run a comms business, and I deal with rejection in my agency all the time. But being turned down stings a little less at the office because there are more layers between me and the rejection. Not always, but often.
I’ve found there are 3 things I consider when dealing with rejection – of any kind.
1. What can I learn from this in order to do better next time?
2. What part of this wasn’t my issue?
a. What do I need to do to let go of what is out of my control?
3. Most importantly - how can I use this experience to build my character?
Navigating Rejection
When we’re rejected, we tend to go down one of two paths. The first path is the one where you feel like a loser and wonder what’s wrong with you. The second path is where you think “They got this wrong,” that you shouldn’t have been rejected. But it’s in the middle gray area where all the gold lives. And if you are brave enough for some personal self-reflection and a willingness not only to learn but to grieve a bit, you can mine this gray area and come out with some great gold. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s them, but it’s always how you handle the rejection that matters.
What Can I Learn Here?
Let’s be honest, there is so much to learn from every rejection. As a writer you know that writing is rewriting, so instead of seeing a rejection of your manuscript or story as a bad thing, look at it as a chance to learn and grow. I recently was asked to rewrite the first half of my novel. My agent wanted me to speed up the pace. At first, I was disappointed, but then I looked at it as a chance to learn more about plot and character development. It inspired me to study a set of books in a similar genre to help me think constructively about my manuscript’s structure. It has been a blast! And I hope I’m creating a better story thanks to thoughtful feedback.
What Can I Reject?
Then there are those times when the rejection is misplaced. Where what you’re pitching is just not fully understood. Yes, it’s on you to make sure that what you are putting out there is clear enough for others to understand, but sometimes your idea, story, or concept, might just be a little too ahead of the curve that others, literally, need to catch up. Many of the start-ups that have become household names failed the first time out. Many writers were rejected many times over before they got their first big break. You can learn a lot in this zone, mainly how best to communicate your ideas in a way that takes people with you. And where it feels impossible, just too early, then be ok to let go of what you can’t control. Take a deep breath, regroup and wait to fight another day.
How Can I Build My Character?
For me how I handle rejection is the most important part of all. Creating pure gold is painful. Most of us know that fire refines gold, burning away the dross. But let’s be honest, fire burns. So, to become more excellent at your craft, to be refined, we need to get a little uncomfortable, don’t we? Maybe a lot uncomfortable. Rejection can make us stronger and better if we can learn to deal with disappointment in a mature way. We need to guard against not getting so down on ourselves that we lose our way and give up. We need to make sure we don’t let our pride take over and block us from learning from our failures. And most importantly in order to learn from our rejection, we need to be willing to wade through the disappointment and grief rather than protect ourselves. Yes, it’s more painful, but the results are much better. Being rejected is never easy, but it can make us stronger, kinder, and more productive people.