Family Matters
Family matters. Whether it’s your family of origin or your chosen family, we all need a tribe in our corner, cheering us on. Yes, mentioning “family” can easily surface lots of instances where the people who are meant to have your back have pulled you down instead of lifted you up. But we all have a family, whether it is the one we were born into or the one we choose. And they matter. Often they don’t “do much.” But just knowing they’re there can lend us a feeling of security.
So, you may ask, why am I writing about family? Well, we are visiting my husband’s family in Australia for a month. It’s SO good to see them, but also just as good to spend time in their presence. We don’t need to be doing anything fancy to feel the family vibes. Something as simple as making dinner, running errands, or cleaning up a bedroom, counts for time well spent. Their nearness contributes to a warm feeling of wholeness and well-being.
My sister always had a big group of friends growing up. My mother used to say they were more her family than we were. And in some ways they were. She got a lot of comfort from her group of friends. They rallied on her behalf when she needed it, and showed their love if she was feeling low. I look back on that experience, and I think it was actually wise for her to have those people in her world. They understood who she was and what she needed. It’s not to say that we didn’t understand her and back her up, but sometimes you need a tribe outside of your natural family. In many cases they’re going to give you more room, and even more latitude, to forge your own path.
The older I get, however, the more I know just how much I need my family of origin. When I was a tween and wanted to play hooky from school, I’d head to my grandmother’s house to sit and listen to her stories. She and my grandfather met in New York City, and she had the coolest stories of bars in the West Village, summer hideaways on Long Island, and the bands they used to dance to. I get nostalgic for the “good old days,” so listening to her reel off her memories really tickled my fancy. In fact, so much of who I am today is a direct result of what she deposited into me as a young person.
On the other hand, I wasn’t very close with my father, he wasn’t around much. But after I grew up, and was able to forgive some of the things that he did that hurt me, I was also able to appreciate the many things that I got from him – naturally. I’d like to think that I have taken the best of him, and let the other attributes fade away. His grandfather was a man after my own heart, ha ha. Apparently, he has his own railroad car and would take it from Richmond where he lived to New York City to hang out with his friends, like William Morris. He lived in luxurious lifestyle, I can lean into that ;-)
Sorry, if this isn’t my typical post, but rather an ode to recognizing the value and power of family. I’m far away from my family of origin, and enjoying time with my chosen family. And maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic. Family. Yes, they can hurt you. And some require distance. But I’ve found that the older I get the more important they are to me. Everything I do every day is somehow connected to family. Is there someone in your family you haven’t spoken to in a while? Maybe this is the reminder you need to get in touch. Life is short. You might want to make a call.