If You Want To Grow - Let It Go (At Least Sometimes)
Ok, I’m not a big fan of pithy statements. Kind of cheesy, right? They might be catchy, but they have a tendency of over simplifying things. However, I do believe this statement is true: sometimes to grow you need to let things go.
I’ll give you an example. A few years ago, I had two clients that owed me money. We had a contract and had been operating nicely, though one of the clients had hit a few hurdles and was definitely struggling financially. I was in a tight spot myself, in the process of digging out of a few financial hits I’d taken during an economic downturn (the US market runs on confidence). I wasn’t really in a place to write off two bad debts, though that is part of business my friends - you do need to factor that in - so I kept pursuing payment.
Within a few months of broken promises, I was getting angry. After a while when I “looked out there” all I could see were the two delinquent clients. My vision became so narrow (“you owe me money!”) that I was losing sight of other opportunities. And then I had that moment. I pulled myself up and asked myself what would happen if I just wrote the debt off. Forgave the debt.
I realized that if I wanted to grow, I had to let this go. By focusing on the money I felt I was owed I was draining my energy and allowing my whole outlook to go dark.
More than anything, holding onto toxicity kills your ability to see.
Never mind what it does to your health. And if you are running a business, trying to start something new, or just looking to get ahead in your current career, you can’t allow yourself to focus on the negative.
Easier said than done. True. When I find myself in situations like this, I try to find a quiet place to ask myself a few questions. Really put me on the spot. I want to get at the heart of what’s really going on inside my head (and heart) so I can make some good decisions. Also, and probably most importantly for me, I was to see if I can allow myself to lean into a little faith for my future. The future I can’t see yet, but the one that I believe is out there. Positive thinking isn’t a slot machine that delivers results, but it does help clear away the ‘noise’ that might stop you from seeing possibilities.
If you find yourself in a situation like I was in, tied up in knots because someone (in your mind) has done you wrong, it’s worth searching your heart and asking yourself a few key questions:
Is this about my ego? Am I taking this too personally? Is my sense of righteousness real or coming from hurt and disappointment? (By the way, hurt, angry and disappointed feelings are normal, it’s what you do with them that counts.)
Am I willing to fight to the death for this cause - which could be my own? Death of my peace of mind?
Have I considered what’s going on in their world, why they have decided to {insert offense} - what has brought them to this place?
What are my motives for pursuing justice? Are they coming from the ‘right’ place, or are they vindictive, am I just trying to protect myself? Am I just looking to save face and win?
The last, most important question for me is always: Am I willing to forgive and let it go? Even if it hurts? Even if I think I’m right? I’m a fighter by nature, so this is always a tough one for me. The struggle is real.
I was legitimately owed that money. But when I decided to let it go, my sight cleared up, I had new energy for the clients I had - and the ones I wanted, and things really picked up for me. Still, even if the business hadn’t hit an upswing, I felt better inside myself, more at peace, and that was worth forgiving the bad debt.
Do you find yourself in a similar situation? You’re feeling wronged and it is eating you up inside? You want to let go, but you don’t know how? I’d love to hear from you. And I want to hear how those of you that made that leap of faith, triumphed over a bad situation and have come out the other side. We can all learn from you. Please share!