Relationships Matter - Especially If They Are Real!
It’s totally legitimate to ask someone for help - for ideas, advice or even a recommendation. But no one likes to feel used. Ok, what am I getting at? If you find yourself in a situation where you know some help would - well - help, then do take the time to figure out who might be the best person to approach. I know that seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people I meet who are disappointed when their ask overreaches their relationship, and they end up empty-handed.
In my opinion, when looking for help, it’s best to start with people closest to you, people you have a legitimate relationship with.
When I’m brainstorming in business, and I know I need some help - maybe someone who could help me bridge a gap because I’m that ‘yes’ person and see all the possibilities - I often stretch my thinking a bit too far. I think of people I barely know, or who I haven’t spoken to in years. They fit the profile of what I need, but we’re not in a relationship. Asking them might pay off, but it also might be super awkward. They might feel used. I know I might.
Yes, there is a lot to be said for persistence, and sometimes when we reach out to people for help outside of our immediate circles we can be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. But often I’ve found that the best help I get, whether it’s an introduction to someone I need to meet, or ‘insider’ advice on how something is done, is to start first with close friends or colleagues. Often that inner circle yields other opportunities to meet other people - perhaps people closer to your need.
No matter what, try not to be disappointed if the connection doesn’t happen - even with close friends. The most mature people I know don’t get hung up on rejection - it’s part of the process. I once had someone write a multipage letter to me, painfully explaining their situation and background and when I didn’t respond (because I hadn’t realized their letter had gone to my spam folder) they wrote me off. We reconnected, but it was a good reminder to me to consider all the reasons someone might not get back to me.
With that said, rejection hurts. But try not to take it personally. See it through their eyes (you have no idea what their day is looking like).
Don’t let offence stop your forward momentum.
And remember, there are always many people that can help. This is where ‘yes’ comes in. You might think this one person can really, really help me – but I guarantee there are many more. Deep breath. Then, let your creativity get to work. If nothing else, the next time someone asks you for help, give them some time. Nothing better than knowing how it feels to inspire a little love.
Let me know if you’ve had this experience. Even one like mine, where a missed connection almost derailed a relationship. What happened? What did you do? I want to know!